ADHD + Routines: A Love/Hate Relationship
If you have ADHD, routines can feel like a necessary evil. We can't seem to live without them, yet many of us also resist them. It can be a real love/hate relationship.
For years, I rebelled against having too much routine in my day-to-day life. It made life feel like it was on repeat. For my interest-based nervous system, routine felt mundane, uninteresting, and like it drained my spark.
Unfortunately, the alternative is often chaos.
Medications get forgotten. Meals get skipped. Water intake becomes an afterthought. Exercise falls off the radar. Work appointments and personal commitments get missed. Many people with ADHD find that without some kind of structure, important tasks start falling through the cracks.If you've ever wondered, "If routines help me so much, why do I fight them?"—you're not alone.
One of the hallmarks of ADHD is difficulty with executive functioning: the mental skills that help us plan, initiate tasks, organize, and follow through. ADHD brains also tend to be driven more by interest, novelty, urgency, and challenge than by importance alone. So even when we know a routine would make life easier, our brains don't always want to cooperate. Research also suggests that adults with ADHD often struggle to establish and maintain consistent daily routines because of these executive functioning differences.¹
There's also another piece of the puzzle that I don't think gets talked about enough. Routine can feel...boring. And when your brain is constantly scanning for novelty or stimulation, boring can feel physically uncomfy, real fast. So if you've found yourself craving structure while simultaneously resisting it, that's a pretty common ADHD experience.
I've spent a lot of time working through this in my own life, and I've helped countless adults with ADHD create more structure so they can experience a greater sense of control over the chaos that often comes with ADHD.
One of the biggest mindset shifts for me was realizing that routine isn't something I have to do. No one is forcing me. Recognizing that helped soften some of my own PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance/Pervasive Drive for Autonomy) tendencies.
Instead of thinking, "I should do this," I started asking myself, "Is this something I want because it helps me build the life I envision?"
A reminder I came up with for myself is:
"Consistency isn't a cage. It's the key to long-term change."
I used to think that scheduling my days meant every day would feel exactly the same—like I was living in Groundhog Day. What I've learned, though, is that routines actually create freedom.
Take my nighttime routine. Brushing my teeth and doing my skincare have become so automatic that I barely think about it anymore. It runs on autopilot. That frees up my mental energy for things that actually need my attention.
The same is true for my Google Calendar. Honestly, I'm kind of a mess without it. Everything goes in there.
One thing I've learned is that an ADHD-friendly routine doesn't have to mean a rigid schedule.
In fact, I think that's where a lot of us get stuck. We picture a perfectly color-coded life where every hour is planned out, and then we immediately want to rebel against it.
Instead, think of routines as flexible anchors rather than prison bars. Maybe your morning always starts with taking your medication, making coffee, and feeding the dog—but whether that happens at 7:00 or 8:30 depends on the day. The order stays relatively consistent, even if the clock doesn't.
That flexibility has made routines feel much more sustainable for me.
If You've Struggled with Creating Routines...
Here are a few things that have helped me. Keep in mind: Every ADHD brain is different, so the goal isn't to find the 'perfect' routine—it's to build systems that support your brain, your values, and your life.
Find your "why"...or better yet, your "want."
Try focusing less on "should" or "have to" and more on what kind of life you're trying to create. When we lead our lives according to our core values, the friction in getting to the life we want to live is lessened. Not sure what your core values are? Here is a handy list to review and reflect upon.
Start small.
Ask yourself, What's one thing I want to consistently build into my daily or weekly life?
Maybe it's filling your pill organizer every Sunday.
Maybe it's grocery shopping on Friday evenings when there are fewer people there (IYKYK).
You don't need to overhaul your entire life overnight.
Once one routine becomes established, it's much easier to build another. Over time, those habits become part of your lifestyle instead of something you have to constantly think about.
Don't expect perfection.
Building routines takes time.
Please don't fall back into the old narrative of:
"Well, I failed, so I guess I'm just not someone who can do routines."
Instead, get curious.
Ask yourself:
"What got in the way?"
Maybe you didn't grocery shop on Friday because there was a birthday party. Life happened.
That's not failure—that's life.
The goal isn't perfection. The goal is learning to pivot.
Every time we identify what got in the way, we have another opportunity to adjust the system instead of blaming ourselves. The more we refine our systems, the easier it becomes to stick with them over the long term.
Can I normalize something?
You're probably going to have to restart your routines.
More than once.
Honestly...probably dozens of times.
That doesn't mean the routine failed. It doesn't mean you failed. It just means you're human—and if you have ADHD, you're also working with a brain that naturally struggles with consistency.
I can't tell you how many times I've gotten off track and had to begin again. I've stopped seeing those moments as evidence that I can't build habits. They're simply part of maintaining them.
The goal isn't to never fall off or to maintain the exact same routine forever.
The goal is to build systems you can return to—or adapt—when life changes.
One unexpected benefit of routines is that they reduce the number of decisions your brain has to make each day. When everyday tasks become more automatic, you spend less mental energy deciding when or how to do them. That frees up cognitive resources for the things that actually need your attention. Research has also found that predictable routines are associated with better emotional well-being and can reduce stress by creating greater consistency and stability in daily life.²
One thing I've noticed is that even the best routine won't help if you can't get started in the first place.
That's actually why I created the B.O.D. Framework.
B.O.D. is a simple way to troubleshoot task initiation by asking yourself why your brain is resisting. Is the task Boring and not engaging your interest-based nervous system? Is it Overwhelming, with too many steps or no clear starting point? Or is it Demanding, where all the "shoulds" are triggering resistance or a need for autonomy?
Once you know why you're stuck, it's much easier to choose a strategy that actually fits the problem instead of relying on willpower or beating yourself up.
In other words, routines help create structure—but the B.O.D. Framework can help you get started when your ADHD brain says, "Absolutely not."
If task initiation is one of your biggest struggles, you can download my free B.O.D. Framework guide here.
If routines have always felt like a cage, I get it.
I used to feel the same way.
Now I see them differently.
They're not there to limit my life.
They're there to support it.
References
Barkley, R. A. (2015). Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Handbook for Diagnosis and Treatment (4th ed.). Guilford Press.
Fiese, B. H., et al. (2002). Family routines and rituals: A context for development in the lives of young people. Infants & Young Children, 15(2), 26–36.
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR).
Please note: This article is intended for educational purposes and is not a substitute for individualized mental health care. Reading this blog does not establish a therapeutic relationship. If you need personalized support, please reach out to a licensed mental health professional.
